Fred staggered home very late and very drunk. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Lena. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. He slipped and landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke. Managing not to yell, Fred pulled down his pants, and saw that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of band-aids and began putting a band-aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Fred woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Lena staring at him from across the room. She said, “You were drunk again last night, Fred!” “How can you say such a mean thing?” “Well,” Lena said, “it could be the open front door, the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, the drops of blood trailing through the house, your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ... it's all those band-aids stuck on the hall mirror.”
Trip for two
A travel agent, the owner of the agency, looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world offered to his customers.
The agency had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave the owner a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop: “I know that you are probably on pensions so you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take a no for an answer.”
He then instructed his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel in the Caribbean. As can be expected, the couple was a bit embarrassed but they gladly accepted the generous offer and were off!
About a month later, the little old lady came in to his shop. “And how did you like your holiday?” the owner asked eagerly.
“The flight was exciting, the room was lovely and the location was a dream!” she said. “I've come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the whole trip with?”
Have a good Flight!
The passengers are waiting in an airplane to leave the airport.
Finally, the entrance door opens and two men in pilot uniforms come down the aisle. Both wear dark sun-glasses.
One of the two is lead by a guide dog on a leash, while the other is groping his way along the corridor with a white cane.
The passengers start to murmur uneasily and there are nervous conversations, but the men, unwaveringly, go into the cockpit, close the door and then start the engines of the airplane.
Passengers cast nervous glances to each other, and try to find some sign that this just some kind of bad joke.
The machine accelerates and gets faster and faster.
The people on the window seats notice that at the end of the runway there is nothing else but the sea.
When seems as if the machine will shoot directly into the sea, the cabin is filled with desperate screams.
But at the same moment, the machine lifts gently.
In the cockpit, the pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, “You know Bob, one day the people will scream too late, and then we will all die.”